Living with Brain Cancer

When my dad was first diagnosed with cancer it was devastating.  He first started showing signs in September of 2006 and was officially diagnosed with Glioblastoma multiforme or GBM in March 2007.  GBM is the most common and most aggressive malignant primary brain tumor.

Since then he has had multiple seizures and has suffered a stroke.  Not to mention the paralysis of his right side and Aphasia.  My dad can't even have a conversation with me.  He used to be a college history professor and a damn good one at that.  And taking away his ability to teach and speak is like cutting off a professional piano players fingers.  Its total crap and totally unfair.  My dad is the kindest, most thoughtful, and brilliant man that I know and he did not deserve this; no one does.

After numerous hospital stays, Chemotherapy, radiation, surgery after surgery, hospice, a feeding tube, paralysis, aphasia, and therapy, its sometimes hard to remember the man he used to be.   I forget what his voice sounded like, I can't remember his scent.  And I have to look at old photos just to remember what he used to look like.

He now requires around-the-clock care and assistance walking and doing other everyday things.  Luckily my mom is one of the strongest and most courageous woman on this earth.  She is the best wife/caregiver that my dad could ever ask for.  

The day Dad met M.  He had to wait almost 2 weeks after she was born to meet her.

Its hard not to think about the Papa he could have been.  He is only 55 and can't get down on the floor to play with his grand-babies or take them for ice cream or read them stories.   I can't even image what he must feel inside.  The pain of missing out and not being able to live life like he wants.  I miss him.  I miss my dad! I miss the man he used to be, the man I wish he was today.  I really hate cancer!